Sooo the weight thing really really sucks. But I don't wanna talk about it :(

But I had an urge to just write about things so I think I will.

I was woken this morning by a terrible dream. I was walking along a sort of lit path through the woods at night with my mom (this makes sense because we went to a thing last night and she gave me a ride. We had to stop at the grocery store on the way home so she could get some fruit to take to the office today, so we did walk through the lit parking lot, but it wasn't through the woods). We were talking and everything was cool until I looked out at the woods and saw a little boy. He was tiny. Between 1-2 years old. Just standing there by himself in the deserted woods, just looking at us.

Now, ghosts and goblins are scary and everything. But there is nothing as downright creepy as a little kid in a strange situation like that. It scared me awake, and I was left laying in bed thinking about why a tiny baby would be outside in the woods alone at night. Of course, when you've already been scared awake, your brain doesn't even need your help coming up with other spookiness, and I just could not get back to sleep. After about an hour lying in bed, I just had to get up. Aria was already in our bed after doing her super-creepy "I can't sleep, I'm scared of...of...of......." thing she's done before, which I'm sure didn't help me either.



At church yesterday, we were early, so we were hanging in the nursery. We have many international students, so it was no surprise to see them walking through the hall. I was surprised, however, when one of the girls came to the door of the nursery to say hi to Dominic, and they all followed. He seems to be some sort of mascot, and they all fawn over him. Probably because he is so friendly and talkative. As one of the girls was telling him she's going to take him back to China with her, enticing him with stories of pandas and the great wall, he leaned over to me and whispered they all want to be my GIRLFRIEND! he had such a genuine look of concern on his face, I just had to laugh.



Luisa is starting preschool and ballet in a couple of weeks. And school starts for Aria and Dominic a week from tomorrow. We still need to go school shopping for them. I'm just glad we don't have to fill any supply lists! It's very nice that our district doesn't do those. But I suppose they should have clothes, shoes, and backpacks!



On September 10, Ty turns 30. Then on September 19, Aria turns 7. Then September 22, Clara turns 3. Then October 1, Sadie turns 1. Then I turn 30 on the 17th. Ugh. I don't wanna.

So disappointed to find myself here again, but what can I do? Just have to get up and dust myself off and forget about the shame of the reality that this will be a lifelong problem. I just need to approach this like an alcoholic. I will never be "cured," and it's ok. Life's not fair. Mom said so. So here we go again...

I'm still here.

Just don't have much to say.

Aria just finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, so we are now watching the movie. At the part where Mad-Eye Moody turns Draco into a ferret, Aria said, "he teaches like Ms E!" (her ballet teacher). Bwahaha, I love her ballet teacher.

Last week, she was teaching them to spin and Aria fell down. She said, "oh! Aria meeet floor!!" and then she went over and told her not to feel bad because all great dancers meet the floor sometimes.

She's tough, but awesome, and Aria's really enjoying having her for the summer.

Dominic's been having private lessons so far this summer. He's loving that, too.

Aria has a skating competition next weekend.

Luisa will start preschool and ballet in the fall. Yikes!

We have been swimming a TON, and my older 2 are completely competent now - they can swim in the deep end without life vests now. So cool!

Except now Luisa has less fear than she should. Her bravery scares me! I have to watch her really closely.

Anyway, that's all. Whirlwind update. Maybe I'll think of something more to write soon!

A few days ago, Ty told me he would have an opportunity to go to San Fransisco for some training in August. I am generally in favor of knowledge as sometimes it leads to more dollars (oh and because knowledge is good and crap).

Yesterday, Ty let me know the dates he had were wrong. He's leaving in a week and a half. He'll be gone for a week.

I'm actually glad because it means we'll get it over with, not just have it sitting on the back burner. But it does mean I'll be husband-less for the first full week of summer vacation.

Eh, I'm too busy to write and it bums me out. Off to deal with shrieking children!

Aria had a skating competition on Saturday in Livonia. It was bigger than her last one. I was immediately overwhelmed. On the one hand, we were nervous because Aria's coach couldn't make it. That was bad enough. But then I realized we were at a rink with a real skate club, and that a lot of the girls were from different "skate clubs" with matching sweatshirts and coaches preparing them. Nearly all of the girls had those tights/skate-covery things (that's the technical name for them I think), and here we were, all the way from Lansing with a 6 year old skater and no coach. I was intimidated and overwhelmed. But that wasn't even the worst of it. A few minutes after we got there, we heard Aria's coach's name being paged. We were worried. We knew she wasn't going to be there, why didn't they?

Ty went over to the judges' table. They had no idea Aria's coach wouldn't be there, and we had no idea if she forgot to tell them or what. They had Aria and her coach down as being from Livingston Skate Club instead of The Skate School (which isn't really right but it's what's supposed to be on there, long story). Aria's coach was supposed to judge for the next 3 events. They were freaking out that they couldn't find her and nobody from Livingston Skate Club knew who she or Aria was. They had to scramble at the last minute to find a judge, and Ty called Aria's coach to tell her what happened. The plan was for Ty to get Aria on the ice, because he wanted to, and I knew he'd do a good job. He was standing with Aria when one of the ladies came over and started haranguing them about coach not being there and not being able to judge. Poor Aria was freaked out. Then one of the other coaches saw them and offered to get Aria out on the ice. Aria really wanted to join the other girls so she jumped at the chance, and Ty came to sit by me.

The whole experience was strange. I felt even more awkward and dorky than normal. Aria's warmup was horrible. The minute she stepped on the ice, she fell on her belly. She NEVER does that anymore just skating forward. Then she proceeded to do her routine very badly. I was prepared for the worst. I was thinking that Aria was feeling just like I was - awkward, shy, uncomfortable (and terrible sniffles). Aria was the second girl to go; first in her group (of only 2). She ended up doing SO much better than her warmup. It was a perfect routine except for a little stumble at the end. But after her stumble, she did a beautiful 2 foot spin. It wasn't flawless, but I thought she did well, and I was happy for her.

It took about forever to get the results and I was so nervous for her. I just didn't want her to get another meaningless second place medal. I was worried the judges would be biased against her because of the miscommunication with her coach. I was worried that she would feel very discouraged. But you know what? She beat one of those skate club girls with the fancy skate cover thingies. She was happy and encouraged.

A friend asked me if she is nervous going out there by herself with all those people watching. I thought that was an interesting question because I never really thought about it. I mean, of course she gets nervous. She doesn't want to screw up! But I honestly don't think she notices all of the people. In fact, I think all the weirdness with feeling awkward and not fitting in may be a good thing. I really think she knows that the only person she has to impress is Aria.

When Dominic was 2, I took a CUTE picture of him playing a purple guitar naked. Today, at age 5, I came out of my room in the morning to find Dominic with his big birthday present (a mini REAL electric guitar), totally naked. He let me take a picture, and it was SO funny and cute, but he asked me not to send it to daddy or ANYONE and he's 5 now so I have to respect those boundaries. Luckily, he gets no say at his graduation open house. Which, speaking of school, Dominic's got kindergarten roundup in 1 hour. Better go get ready!

Dominic's conference was great! He is doing so awesome. His teacher said he interacts really well with the other kids, all the other kids love him, he has tons of friends, and he's smart. She said he's tier 3 for kindergarten already meaning that if he was in kindergarten now he would do just fine without any special help. she said he's kind, he shares his toys, and he's not shy about standing up for himself. All great, awesome things.

Aria's conference was also great, and full of great anecdotes. First she told us that Aria was doing some funky dance move and she said she told her "this isn't Mr. Mark's dance studio, you know!" (she knows Mr. Mark). She said Aria and her reading partner are able to read and discuss stories beautifully. She said Aria's really successful in school, and has gotten over a lot of her previous emotional outbursts. Then she told the funniest story...She said that, one day, after school, Aria's former kindergarten teacher (Mrs. D) was holding a shoe that a child had found. Aria's current teacher (Mrs. C) asked who it belonged to, and Mrs. D said she didn't know. After looking at the studded, black, velvet, slightly high-heeled shoe, Mrs. C said, "that looks like a shoe that Aria would wear," and Mrs. D said, "oh yeah, you're right, it's totally Aria!" Mrs. C said, "I'm going to find out!" and went running along the buses to find Aria's bus. She found in, hopped aboard, and found Aria with her backpack open, her book on the seat, and her other shoe next to that :)

As Mrs. C pointed out, she had not paid attention to Aria's footwear, and that shoe could have belonged to any of the 75-or-so girls at that school.  She just knew it belonged to Aria!

It made me laugh.

She also showed us a story that Aria had written where she had used a difficult technique that they had talked about in class. It was really cute and cool to see her do more than the bare minimum on purpose!

Anyway, YAY. I love good conferences. :)

We had half normal and half weird for dinner tonight.

Normal:
Braised pork chops
Risotto with carrots and fennel

Weird:
Whole wheat bread with pumpkin, sunflower, and sesame seeds (ok not that weird) with GOAT butter (pretty weird)
Fresh coconut milk

It was strangely all REALLY good together.

We sang this song at church today:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WybvhRu9KU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

(sorry, can't find embed code & too lazy to look for it)
Actually, Ty sang it and Carin, the new choir director, one of the high school girls and I sang backup. The lalas :)

I was SO NERVOUS (so was Ty) but it was well received. I really like the song.

And this is where I talk about Dominic again. He has seen the video of that song. As soon as we finished singing, and the applause died down, Dominic, from ACROSS THE SANCTUARY, hollered, "Daddy! You got that song off the INTERNET!!"

Raucous laughter followed. Of course. I wish he knew when to CAN IT.

He once again shocked everyone at coffee fellowship when he walked over to the refreshments, grabbed a donut, as well as, amidst protests from the ladies behind the table, a cookie. He then proceeded to lay the cookie atop the donut and EAT IT LIKE A SANDWICH. Nobody could stop him. We just stared, open-mouthed, at the horrifying, squeam-inducing, glorious sight. The (almost) 5 year old boy. The stunned silence. The audacity. Amazing.

Next month, he will be 5. And kindergarten roundup is next month!

__________

Aria likes to read. I got her "The Tail of Emily Windsnap" yesterday, and she is nearly done with it already. It is so fun having a kid who can just READ for entertainment. I can't wait for Dominic to get there.

_________

Luisa got a new book yesterday, too. It's called "Lulu and the Brontosaurus."

It is a very very good book for Saintly-Unless-I-Don't-Get-my-Way Baby Goo :)

I need to get my ducks in a row re: schooling for that one next year. I'm way lost :(

How is Dominic practically a feral child at times, and at other times, the only child in ballet who remembers the dance? How is he the bravest, most outgoing child I have ever met, and yet he sobs, SOBS at the end of movies when he thinks there will not be a happy ending? The boy confuses me. But he is SO AMAZING. I cannot imagine what life would be like without him. I feel like he helps me lead a fuller, richer life. He can connect with anyone and is totally uninhibited.

Today, we were walking through Foods for Living and the kids wanted a coconut. We grabbed one, and Dominic was just enamored with the sound of the milk swishing around inside. Across the aisle from us, a little old lady was pushing her cart when Dominic went running up to her, saying, "Guess what! It makes a sound!!"

She looked at him as I dealt with my usual how is this person going to recieve him? panic.

She cracked a big smile and said, "well let me hear it."

She bent down and he gave the coconut a hearty shake. She made an exaggerated surprised expression and exclaimed "Now what's in there?" Dominic's face lit up because he KNEW THE ANSWER and proudly replied "coconut milk!"

I love little moments like that. ♥

Something crazy happened to me the other day.

I was reading a blog and it mentioned something innocent . . . the memory that it sparked brought me to my knees. It was so strong and so deeply personal. I had completely forgotten.

It's so easy to oversimplify kids and their emotions. This memory was like a punch in the stomach. It's like the moment you turn the light in in the morning. You can't see a thing for a minute and it stings but after only a few seconds things are clear.

They are not "just kids." It's not that they don't feel these things. They may not have the ability (or, thinking back now, the desire) to adequately describe them.

One of the strange things about growing up is that you realize that there's no "yes, now I am a grown-up" moment. I felt kind of cheated when i realized in my early 20s that there is no moment of becoming an adult. I still just feel like Kelly. And I've come to the conclusion that I always will. So it should not be surprising to me that the feelings I have now are the same feelings I had back then. And this memory was in third grade!

The whole idea of the innocence of childhood is bullshit. My kids are not innocent. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean that I hope I never insult them by treating them as if there is some kind of emotional barrier between us.